I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
