You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
