But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
