I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
