So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
