remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
