My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
