IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
