Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
