sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
