Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
