giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
