She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize