sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Randomize
