not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
