I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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