if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Boobs are out for the taking
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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