3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
