he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
