My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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