She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
