Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
