Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize