So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
