ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
