...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
