Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
