Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
