I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
