I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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