Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
