If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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