you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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