Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
