I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
