Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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