I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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