Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
