smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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