Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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