Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
