Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
