on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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