I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
