She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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