Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
