Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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