I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
