did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
