I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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