this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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