My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
