i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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