i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
