I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i think i have two assholes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
