You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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