Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
