I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
