After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
