well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
