did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
