I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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