Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize