we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
