it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
