Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Two words: nipple clamps
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